The perfect victim

Inspirations

By Edward Augustyn

(Translated from Polish Catholic Weekly)

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Sexual abuse of nuns by priests is still a taboo in the Church. Although there are many indications that the scale of the problem is significant.

This article has been translated by deepl from Polish to English. It originally apeared in Tygodnik Powszechny, 4/2021.

The helpline for victims of abuse in the Church has already rung 300 times. Many calls concern “harms suffered in childhood and early youth“ says Katarzyna Sroczyńska, assistant of the abuse survivors in the Initiative “Hurt in the Church”. In 2019, the Initiative launched psychological support for victims. But there were also several dozen of people who were abused as adults, including seven calls regarding the situation of nuns or religious.

Among them were nuns of all ages, their stories related to recent events or those from many years ago. Sometimes they meet the perpetrator again years later and have to work with him. “I cannot give details,” Katarzyna explains. “The phone call is anonymous, we do not collect any information from the people who call. We know only as much as they want to tell us.”

Sexual manipulation

The problem has been known for years. In 1994, Sr. Maura O’Donohue, a physician, submitted a report to the Vatican on the sexual abuse of nuns by priests. In March 2001, it was revealed by the American weekly National Catholic Reporter. It turned out that there were more such reports. A Vatican spokesman admitted that the allegations were confirmed to be true in the case of 23 countries. John Paul II apologized for the sin of “sexual abuse by priests, which brought great suffering and spiritual harm to the victims” (Exhortation “Ecclesia in Oceania” of November 2001). Shortly thereafter, a high-profile pedophile scandal broke, exposed by The Boston Globe newspaper, and child abuse became a major topic in the media for many years. Few people talked about the abused nuns.

In January 2019, the monthly magazine Donne Chiesa Mondo, a supplement to the Vatican’s L’Osservatore Romano, returned to the topic. After a few days, the pope, answering questions from journalists on the plane, admitted that the problem exists. He added that his predecessor had even abolished a female congregation whose members were “sex slaves” to priests. It seems that Francis combined two stories: the French community liquidated by Benedict XVI for disobedience (it was sexual abuse by its founder) and the nuns raped by priests in Africa during the AIDS epidemic (priests considered only sex with nuns safe). The term “sex slaves” was quickly withdrawn from the official version of the papal statement – a Vatican spokesman explained that Francis meant “manipulation, that is, a form of abuse of power that also manifests itself in sexual abuse.”

A quiet voice

Lucetta Scaraffia, former editor-in-chief of the monthly magazine Donne Chiesa Mondo, tells me that her relationship with the Vatican ended two months after that publication. “Our monthly magazine was created to give a voice to women, including nuns, who are not usually heard in the Church. This was not liked. The new director wanted to interfere with the topics and composition of the editorial board. The team resigned.”

Talking about sexual abuse of nuns is still a taboo subject. So far, the only nun in Poland who has dared to speak about it publicly was Sr. Jolanta Olech, an Ursuline nun and secretary of the Conference of Major Superiors of Women Religious Congregations. Commenting on Francis’ statement, she said: “The problem of sexual abuse of nuns by priests also exists in Poland and has for a very long time. I have been in a convent for 50 years. I was the Superior General for 12 years. I had to deal with several cases.”

Many people resented her for this. Today she does not want to talk about it. She touched a painful and shamefully hidden wound.

The scale of evil

Sr. Olech admitted that she does not know the scale of the phenomenon in Poland because no one researched it. The questionnaire, which after the Pope’s famous statement was sent to religious orders by the Congregation for Institutes of Consecrated Life and Societies of Apostolic Life together with the International Union of Superiors General, never reached Poland.

Three psychologists from Saint Louis University (J. Chibnall, A. Wolf, and P. Duckro) selected a representative research sample of 2,500 sisters, of whom almost half (1,166) agreed to fill out a 15-page questionnaire. One-third of them had experienced sexual abuse within the order. Most of them (81%) suffered verbal or physical abuse (kissing, hugging, touching), but also (19%) abuse in the literal sense (touching genitals, intercourse, rape). The perpetrators of the most serious abuse were priests (49.3 percent), nuns (24.6 percent) and lay people (19.2 percent). The answer was not given by 6.9 percent of respondents.

Father Jacek Prusak, a Jesuit priest and psychotherapist, is convinced that in Poland this phenomenon is on a larger scale than one can think on the basis of a few phone calls or even studies from other countries. “There are always more victims than official numbers. This is a rule in research over sexual abuse,” he explains. “Besides, there are still more clergymen and nuns in our country than in many countries combined, so these cases cannot be fewer. This is what the statistics say.”

A crime, not a weakness

Lucetta Scaraffia thinks the same way. Sexual violence is much more widespread than we think. It occurs not only in Africa or Asian countries, but also in Italy, Germany, USA, Ireland, France. Why shouldn’t it be in Poland?

She sees power and money as the main causes of this situation. “Priests can use nuns because they feel unpunished. They have power over them, and they are economically dependent on them.” She does not believe that the Church dominated by men will solve this problem by itself. “We need to help the sisters. The most effective way is to report crimes to the state authorities – the police and the prosecutor’s office. We need to create institutions that offer legal advice and psychological support. But above all, the nuns’ complaints should be listened to and taken seriously. So far the only help comes from the media, which make it impossible to silence some cases.”

She cautions that individual cases should not be trivialized or downplayed. “Many people too easily recognize that these are matters between two adults, that they happen by mutual consent, so no one should care. In short, that it’s about falling in love and breaking a vow of chastity. People really don’t know what life is like for nuns. They don’t know that they are in a different world, subservient to the power of priests, vulnerable to manipulation and exploitation on every level. So this isn’t about breaking chastity, it’s about coercion. That is, rape.”

Sacrifice yourself

Marta Abramowicz, author of the book “Nuns Leave Quietly,” interviewed several hundred current and former nuns. Thanks to this she managed to describe life in the convent far from the colorful brochures distributed during vocational retreats. We see that already at the formation stage the young sister is being prepared for the role of sacrifice – in every sense of the word. “Always take your place politely and do what is asked of you,” is one of the rules of the “Nun’s Savoir-Vivre Manual.”

“I’ve learned from the heroines of my book that the formation of nuns not only doesn’t focus on maturity but also keeps them immature”, says the author. “There are exceptions but from the information I have gathered from at least half of the congregations it seems that nuns are taught submission and blind obedience while they are deprived of self-determination and thinking. This is why they have very limited ability to defend themselves against an aggressor, especially if he is a priest. Besides, there is a problem with that in the whole society. Women do not know how to defend themselves against harassment or rape, especially from a close friend or acquaintance. This is how they are brought up.”

Abramowicz adds, “During their formation no one talks to nuns about sexuality, about how to deal with it while living in chastity. Even less are they told what to do in the case of violence. I have heard of only one case where a superior spoke to the sisters about these topics. But since there is so little talk about them in school or in families, it is hard to expect religious orders to be in the vanguard.”

Big priest, little nun

Sexual abuse was not the subject of Abramowicz’s book, but the author encountered the problem. “Two situations I know firsthand, from people who have experienced it. The first concerned a small nunnery located next to a large men’s convent. A former nun told me that she and other sisters had experienced sexual abuse. This was happening in the 1990s, and even if these priests did not go as far as physical violence, we are dealing with rape, because these contacts were not voluntary. The second story comes from a convent where young sisters were sent to the room of a priest, a retired professor, a friend of the pope. They were supposed to bring meals for him. They were afraid to go there because of his sticky hands. And even though they reported the problem, the superior continued to send them there, and even said they should be grateful to have contact with such a great man.”

The abused nuns rarely seek help outside [of their convent]. Perhaps they don’t even know where to find it. They have no one to complain to. Marta Abramowicz does not believe that any of them could go to the prosecutor’s office. This is not the way to solve problems in the Church. First everything is settled with the superior and then with the provincial or general mother. And they can always decide that a nun she herself is to blame for what happened. All that is left is to ask to be transferred to another religious house to be far away from the rapist.

One of the first people informed about the problem is the confessor. Sometimes a nun molested by a priest is advised in the confessional to rethink her involvement in the whole incident. The author of the book doubts that anyone would ever get around to complaining to the state authorities. Even former nuns. Such situations are accompanied by a wall of silence. Unbreakable. Simply: a great shame.

The most famous case so far of seeking justice in the court of public opinion is the case of the former superior of the Missionary Sisters of Jesus, who in 2018 accused the Bishop of Jalandhar Franco Mulakkal of rape. This was made possible by her family and several nuns supporting her, publicly demanding that the perpetrator be punished. The bishop has been suspended by the Vatican but has pleaded not guilty. He is out of custody on bail and the trial is still ongoing.

The dynamics of seduction

Sr. Mary Lembo of Togo is the first nun to write a doctorate on the sexual abuse of nuns. She defended it last year at the Department of Psychology of the Pontifical Gregorian University in Rome. She discussed nine cases of sexual abuse of nuns and candidates for religious orders by priests (rape, attempted rape, inducing intercourse, molestation). She began her analysis with the simplest question: how is this possible? She described the seduction process and the “dynamics of the relationship.” It starts with lulling the victim’s vigilance, establishing closer relations with family or superiors (“drawing them into the seduction process”), then comes the stage of convincing the victim of her uniqueness and the special character of the relationship, accompanied by a process of distorting the meaning of words and concepts from ethics and spiritual life in order to convince the victim to behave in a certain way. Economic dependency is also common.

The psychologist describes the damage suffered by victims: physical (pain, pregnancy, abortion), psychological (post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, suicidal thoughts, disgust with their own bodies, doubt in their chosen life path, lack of faith in a better future), in social life (distrust, shame, fear of stigmatization) and spiritual (weakening of faith, regret to God, neglect of religious life, inability to forgive).

Sr. Lembo also formulates recommendations on how to protect nuns from abuse. These include, above all, sexual education (in families, at school and during religious formation), developing principles of prevention (setting limits, which should be observed by all in religious life and pastoral work), creating support structures.

How to help

“We must remember that sexual abuse in the Church always has an institutional character”, says Fr Jacek Prusak. “For it is always about using the privilege of power and creating by the perpetrator such a context which makes it difficult for the victim to reveal the secret.” The help should also be institutional.

Katarzyna Sroczyńska describes the process of providing support in the “Hurt in the Church’ initiative. “During the telephone duty, the psychotherapist listens to the victim’s story. Many people contact us only once, but there are also cases of long-term cooperation. At one of our first duty hours, in 2019, a person who had been abused years ago called us. She asked for psychological help, to which we referred her. After a few months, she felt strong enough to call again and ask for legal support. With the help of a lawyer, she reported the case to the diocese and the prosecutor’s office. We supported her in getting funding from the diocese for another therapy. We also made her an offer to attend a support group. This is an example of how, by staying in touch with us over the long term, she can take advantage of various opportunities for help.”

The healing process

Glòria Durà-Vilà, now a renowned psychiatrist and autism specialist, obtained her doctorate at University College London in 2013. In preparation for her thesis, she conducted five hour-long interviews with Spanish nuns of different ages and from different congregations who had experienced trauma after sexual abuse by priests. The goal of the research was to find common elements in the healing process – psychological and religious. Durà-Vilà distinguished eight characteristic and recurring stages: from shock and self-doubt, through anger, distrust, withdrawal into prayer, to disclosure of the secret, acceptance of the community, spiritual integration, forgiveness and post-traumatic growth. Each is illustrated by statements from the victimized. “He never considered it an assault. After some time I found out that he slept with different nuns and always justified everything. For God’s sake! My first thought: how can he do that!”

“Mother Superior says it’s impossible, because he’s a good priest. He denies everything. In the depths of your soul, doubts arise. Finally you begin to blame yourself. You wonder if it is already an obsession? Because if it wasn’t to the end, maybe there was no abuse at all?”

“I’ve never been so turned on. It’s a feeling I haven’t experienced before. I was in love before I went to the convent, but he [the priest] made me, who had never experienced physical arousal. I thought I was immune. I doubted my vocation.”

“I said to myself: you are not going to cry in front of nuns. I went to the chapel and prayed and prayed. I kissed the feet of Christ, saying, Lord, you know.”

“I cried, and then I washed my face. I felt sadness. But in the chapel I said, Lord, I am here because You want me to be here.”

“I felt that I was a victim, like Jesus. I felt solidarity with the Lord: we were both living through this terrible moment. That saved me: not only was I a victim, Jesus was too. We were both going through this horrible experience.”

Jesus abused

“Recognizing Jesus as a victim of sexual abuse can be helpful in treating the trauma of sexual abuse in religious people, including nuns,” according to Professor David Tombs, a theologian at the University of Otago (New Zealand). And while the term itself may shock, the evidence for it is not hard to find: in ancient times, as in modern times, torture of prisoners was linked to humiliation and sexual abuse. Tombs quotes gospel passages about Jesus’ stripping, mocking, and naked crucifixion. He argues that the banding added in sacred art came not only from a concern for the sensitivity of the audience, or the sexual taboo in Christianity, but, he points out, from a desire to push the problem of sexual abuse in the church beyond the bounds of consciousness. “Most sexually harmed people who have not lost their faith and continue to identify with the Church say that acknowledging Jesus as a victim of sexual abuse can change the Church’s approach to the problem and to the victims,” writes Tombs, who has studied victims from the Catholic Sodalicio de Vida Cristiana association in Peru (its members were sexually abused for more than half a century by the community’s founder and leaders).

“Sexual abuse always leads to religious-spiritual struggles in a believer and a psychotherapist has to help him/her to evaluate them” adds Fr Jacek Prusak. “The point is the so-called normalization of experiences contradictory emotions, that is, to make the person aware that all emotions, not only positive, are important. The victim has the right to experience sadness, anger, disappointment or loneliness. She does not have to suppress them. But it should be adjusted to the cultural and religious sensitivity of the victim. In Poland, unlike in Latin America, we do not have such realistic depictions of the passion of Jesus as in Peru – so simply transferring Professor Tombs’ strategy may not be as helpful. Which does not mean that it is useless by definition.”

Time for change

Marta Abramowicz doubts, however, that the process of “healing” within the religious community is possible in Poland. “At least not with such a system of superiors as we have. The American or Western European communities differ from the Polish monasteries in their mentality, formation, and access to professional psychological help. In our community this help is rationed by the Superior. Often it comes down to advice to “pray the matter over” and not to involve anyone from outside, not even a therapist. Maybe in individual cases such a “healing” took place in the community, but it is certainly not a systemic help.”

Although she does not exclude that this is slowly changing. “Maybe the situation is better today than at the time I wrote the book. There was a discussion about sisters leaving, we are after the loud statements in the media by Sr. Jolanta Olech. I hope that sisters have more courage to speak about the problem and try to solve it.”

However, Prof. Scaraffia thinks that without outside interference nothing will change. At the beginning a courageous decision of Rome is needed, as in the cases of accusations of paedophilia. The pope could order that all complaints that come to superiors be automatically forwarded to the Vatican.

It would seem that this could be done now, based on the 2019 legislation on sexual abuse of “vulnerable persons.” But is a nun a “person deprived of personal liberty, with a limited capacity to understand or will,” as says the papal document? Prof. Scaraffia is convinced that it does, because of the vows taken or the isolation from the world, although she has not heard that anyone has applied it in practice. “Probably it would be very difficult to prove that before the church court,” she adds.

“Sisters must remember that they are ‘the brides of Jesus’ and not priests” Fr Prusak concludes. “Relationships with priests, in which they are entangled, are based on dependence and abuse of trust. This always has negative psychological and psychosocial effects. They need to be helped to overcome the feeling of so-called institutional betrayal. There is no such commandment as “institution above all” or “principles above all”. Maybe then they will start talking about their wounds.”

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[i] Cf. Address of Cardinal Grech to the Irish Catholic Bishops’ Conference, 4 March 2021.

[ii]Cf. International Theological Commission, Synodality in the Life and Mission of the Church, 6, https://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/cti_documents/rc_cti_20180302

_sinodalita_en.html  

[iii] Pope Francis, address on the occasion of the 50th anniversary of the Synod of Bishops, 17 October 2015, https://www.vatican.va/content/francesco/en/speeches/2015/october/documents/papa-francesco_20151017_50-anniversario-sinodo.html

[iv] International Theological Commission, Synodality in the Life and Mission of the Church, 5  https://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cfaith/cti_documents/rc_cti_20180302_sinodalita_en.html

[v] Pope Francis – Austen Ivereigh, Let us Dream, The path to a better future, 84.

[vi] Cardinal Mario Grech, Address to the Irish bishops on Synodality, 3rd February 2021, https://www.catholicbishops.ie/2021/03/04/address-of-cardinal-mario-grech-to-the-bishops-of-ireland-on-synodality-2/

[vii] Pope Francis – Austen Ivereigh, Let us Dream, The path to a better future, 84.

[viii] Pope Francis, Lettera del Santo Padre Francesco al popolo di Dio che è in cammino in Germania, 29 June 2019.

[ix] Pope Francis, Fratelli Tutti 22.

[x] Can. 212§1

[xi] Can. 209§1

[xii] T. Reese, “Three ways to improve the Synod of Bishops”, National Catholic Reporter, 12 November 2015, https://www.ncronline.org/blogs/faith-and-justice/three-ways-improve-synod-bishops

[xiii] Pope Francis, interview in America Magazine, September 2013. https://www.americamagazine.org/pope-francis-interview.

[xiv] For example The Root and Branch Synod Bristol, UK, 5-12 September 2021.

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