Axios: Trying to bottle up life and its lessons

Posted on October 14, 2026 by michelleclarke2015

 
 
1 big thing: Trying to bottle up life and its lessons
 
Illustration of a small glass bottle with a too-large note being stuffed in it.
Illustration: Aïda Amer/Axios. Stock: Getty Images
 
Amy Harder writes:

Death has a way of teaching us about living — if only life wouldn’t get in the way.

Why it matters: Losing someone can bring sudden clarity to what actually matters. But making that change in perspective stick is hard.

My mother-in-law recently passed away, and almost immediately I wanted to bottle up everything our relationship and her death taught me.

These lessons — like making time for what matters, saying how you feel while you have the chance and taking more videos — are so obvious that they’re easy to ignore until death makes them impossible to

👓 The big picture: Death brings the fragility of life into sharp focus.

I suddenly wanted to hug everyone in my family as tightly as possible and somehow make all of us understand, right now, that we need to ensure we’re making the most of our time together.

Reality check: Intellectually understanding that life is finite doesn’t mean we can permanently feel the urgency of that fact. Yes, there’s a temporary bump in togetherness, but then something maddening happens: Life goes on.

Jobs consume most of our waking hours during the week.

Trips and other life obligations compete for our time.

Sometimes we’re simply tired and want to watch dumb TV shows.The profound realization that life is short somehow has to coexist with needing to unload the dishwasher.

What I’m learning: Maybe I can’t bottle up that feeling of urgency forever. But I don’t have to preserve it at full strength for the experience to change me.

I want more videos and audio recordings of the people I love, particularly parents who may come second or third on the camera roll after children and pets. I recently asked my mother to leave me a happy birthday voice message. Now I’ll have it forever.

I want to keep showing up for the big moments while appreciating more of the utterly unremarkable ones: a grocery store trip, a random lunch, a phone conversation about nothing.

⏳ Yes, but: I want to be kinder to myself about the moments I will inevitably miss.

I’ve caught myself regretting time I didn’t spend with loved ones, but I can’t possibly be everywhere or do everything. The moments I miss don’t diminish the ones I can make time for.

The bottom line: Death reminds us to live to the fullest. Life reminds us we can’t always do that.

Share this column.
Unknown's avatar

About michelleclarke2015

Life event that changes all: Horse riding accident in Zimbabwe in 1993, a fractured skull et al including bipolar anxiety, chronic fatigue …. co-morbidities (Nietzche 'He who has the reason why can deal with any how' details my health history from 1993 to date). 17th 2017 August operation for breast cancer (no indications just an appointment came from BreastCheck through the Post). Trinity College Dublin Business Economics and Social Studies (but no degree) 1997-2003; UCD 1997/1998 night classes) essays, projects, writings. Trinity Horizon Programme 1997/98 (Centre for Women Studies Trinity College Dublin/St. Patrick's Foundation (Professor McKeon) EU Horizon funded: research study of 15 women (I was one of this group and it became the cornerstone of my journey to now 2017) over 9 mth period diagnosed with depression and their reintegration into society, with special emphasis on work, arts, further education; Notes from time at Trinity Horizon Project 1997/98; Articles written for Irishhealth.com 2003/2004; St Patricks Foundation monthly lecture notes for a specific period in time; Selection of Poetry including poems written by people I know; Quotations 1998-2017; other writings mainly with theme of social justice under the heading Citizen Journalism Ireland. Letters written to friends about life in Zimbabwe; Family history including Michael Comyn KC, my grandfather, my grandmother's family, the O'Donnellan ffrench Blake-Forsters; Moral wrong: An acrimonious divorce but the real injustice was the Catholic Church granting an annulment – you can read it and make your own judgment, I have mine. Topics I have written about include annual Brain Awareness week, Mashonaland Irish Associataion in Zimbabwe, Suicide (a life sentence to those left behind); Nostalgia: Tara Hill, Co. Meath.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply